[He doesn't know what to think of Gaura working at a place like that. Now he knows three people who he respects greatly who have done the 'unthinkable'. It goes against all he'd been taught about being stoic, disciplined, and modest.
He shakes his head trying to imagine how Lan Qiren would react. He looks a little worried even talking about this and his hand stills.]
If I did that and my elders found out I'd be beaten or disowned.
[He can see where the term might be a little different, but it still sounds like the same lowly rank to him. However, he just nods- haunted a bit by the other part of their conversation.]
It takes time to see things in a different light when you've been raised to see the world in only one way. You're being exposed to ideas that you've never had to think about before. But if you approach these ideas with an open mind you can learn so much about the people around you.
[He gently rests his hand on his shoulder and gives him a warm smile.]
You don't have to agree with different ideas. But try to not judge others based on what you've learned alone. The universe is a big place and we all have such different and beautiful stories.
If you don't judge people how will you know if they're a good person or not? If you aren't careful, you might end up trusting someone you shouldn't. They'll either hurt you or fool you into hurting others.
[If he uses his own judgment and not the judgment of his clan, then how will he know if his judgment is sound? Isn't it better to trust what has been established by generations from his clan?
Although.. there have been a few times his clan and the elders have been wrong. He only has to look at Hanguang-Jun and Wei-qianbei to see it. There's also the time when all the elders were cowering in the cave. The most damning evidence of their poor judgment is Hanguang-Jun's back.]
You can follow your heart without deciding who someone is based on their stories.
[Gently, he stops him from stirring and has him look at him.]
I ran away from home six years ago. I lied about my age and name for all that time so I wouldn't be found. I worked any job I could to live including sex work. Every job I had fired me for being unreliable because I was late to work most of the time. I've stolen food and supplies.
[Gaura tilts his head.]
If you judged me based only on those details you'd never know me. Who I am. Why I've done what I have.
[Jingyi is surprised when Gaura makes him stop, but it really brings the point home. He struggles with the answer a bit, but finally speaks up again.]
You're right, those things don't change who you are. I don't approve of everything you've done but you're right they don't make you a bad person or anything.
Do you believe there are universal things that are right and wrong? Did you feel bad taking things that didn't belong to you?
[Gaura hums softly as he thinks about that and actually gives that question the thought it deserves. Both questions actually.]
I don't think that there are universal things that are right and wrong. We want the world to be black and white but it isn't. I stole things because it was the only way that I could live. Another will do so for the fun of it or to hurt someone. The intention behind these crimes and that is what changes the crime. Even the act of killing someone. Soldiers go to war to fight and kill because they have to fight for their country. Or a mother kills a person trying to hurt her child. This is still murder, it's still taking a life, just as much as someone slaughtering a family for the cruel pleasure of it.
[Moving the bowl between them now, he gives them each a tray and shows him how to take some of dough to roll into balls before putting them on the tray.]
I do feel guilty for what I took. As soon as I could afford to, I left money and a letter for each store I stole from. To apologize for what I did and to thank them because I was able to live another day.
[It helps, in a way, to hear there is regret despite the necessity of what Gaura had to do. It fits Jingyi view of morality better and reinforces his faith in the pink-haired man. He smiles.]
That was righteous of you and a clear indication of your heart!
[As he takes some dough and rolls them between his hands, he marvels at how Gaura's story both challenged his views and validated them.]
What about when you were working at the brothel? Didn't you.. you know.. feel like you were better than that? You were worth more than that?
I don't view sex workers as beneath me. Or their work beneath me. Some were there because it was the only way to make money but there were others there who genuinely enjoyed the work. I was treated very well there. Better than a number of jobs I've had since then.
[He carefully sets the dough balls about an inch apart from each other. That way they'll have room to spread out evenly. He even glances over to make sure that it's the same for Jingyi.]
There's a lot of negativity given to sex work. Because it's easier to place judgement there when cultures teach us that sex is meant for only two people in a dedicated relationship. For me, I've never viewed sex that way so people who work in that area? They're the same as anyone else. That just happens to be their job.
[Jingyi almost drops his ball of dough. It's forgotten as he turns to look at his friend.]
You don't?! But.. you're with Henry! If he's your fated one, isn't he supposed to be the only person you're to be with? And to have anyone see you like that or touch you.. how could you possibly do that casually? I would never want someone else other than my fated one to touch my rib-
[He abruptly cuts himself off and and looks back at the cookie sheet. His cheeks color a little as guilt lances through him. He tells himself it wasn't the same.. but.. ]
I was a prostitute four years ago, A-Yi. I don't plan to go back to it. Not when I have Henry and my nursery. But if you don't want someone to touch whoever you end up with then you should let your future partner know that's what you want. You just want monogamy.
[He leans forward to look at his face better even though he really can't see that expression on Jingyi's face at all.]
I don't blame you. I'm a monogamous person too. Just one person for me.
[He would've argued that if Gaura wasn't planning on still being a prostitute now that he's with Henry, doesn't that mean he saw something wrong with it now looking back?
In a way, it's a good thing Gaura can't see the way his expression is riddled with guilt. He just doesn't know what to say to his gege or to his fated one in his future.. assuming he ever gets to have one.]
No I.. um.. you are? That's.. I'm sure Henry appreciates it... I think.. maybe I should.. I should go..
[And then it all clicks. Tradition versus new ways of thinking on top of this conflict?]
Oh A-Yi.
[Grabbing a towel, he pulls his little brother back to him and places a towel at Jingyi's back so he can rest his hands there. So he won't touch the ribbon on accident and also so he won't get his dirty hands on his clothes or hair. But he wants to give him a hug. So he knows he has a safe place to discuss this.]
Are you alright? This must have weighed so heavily on you...
[He doesn't know what it is about Gaura that always leads to them touching, but when he's offered a hug he doesn't hesitate for a second. He feels guilty even phrasing it how he did, but it was the crux of the issue regardless of intent or outcome.]
I don't know. It wasn't on purpose. He was actually saving it from going down one of those big drains at the waterworks park when it slipped off my head. He talked me into going and I had to wear this um.. this really tight outfit? I mean, everyone else was wearing even less but I never dreamed of going in public like that before.
But I didn't think about tying my ribbon more carefully and it.. if this was back home, the scandal of him having it would've resulted in me having to marry him. Now, I kind of don't know what it means.
[There was nothing in the oven for now so he just lets the cookies sit on the trays for now. Jingyi is more important than all of that. Nodding in understanding, after all he remembers what he was told about the ribbon, he keeps holding him and even gives him a bit of a squeeze.]
[Belatedly, his arms slip around Gaura to hold him back. He eventually does pull back though.]
Yeah, he did. My mentor didn't punish me either. I just.. only my fated one is supposed to touch it. Does this mean my uncle is my fated one or if he's not, then what do I tell my fated one when I meet him? He won't be the only one who's touched it!
[Taking Jingyi's hand, he brings him over to the table nearby and has him sit with him.]
You tell him the truth. If he can't handle it then he wasn't meant to be your fated one anyway. Someone who is fated to you will want you no matter what. And no matter who has touched your ribbon. Who will still think that you are wonderful and intelligent and funny...
[He smiles warmly at him.]
My little brother may not have found his fated one yet but I know he will. Because he's quite the catch.
[He blushes at the flattery and feels even worse he ever thought his gege could do any wrong. He is truly perfect! No one has ever been so generous with words and compliments as his gege.. well, and maybe Sizhui.]
I do like him.. my uncle. And if we were back home, I don't know that I'd be opposed to a marriage with him.
But..
One of the other juniors from my clan has arrived. He's been my closest friend and we grew up together. His name is Lan Sizhui. I'm sure he'd love to meet you and Henry sometime. He's a lot sweeter and follows our clan's example better than I do. Everyone loves him.
[Uh.. where is he going with this? He doesn't know. He shakes his head.]
I mean, thank you gege. You're really sweet and supportive even after what I said about your profession.
[The shouting really answers things before the soft admittance. He laughs gently and rests a hand on Jingyi's arm.]
While I think you wouldn't mind marrying your uncle if you were home I think right now the one you'd actually like to marry is your friend. At least based on how I've heard you talk about both of them.
[He blinks and peeks between his hands at his friend. How had he managed to let his secret slip out to two people?
He runs his hand upward to brush through his hair nervously. However, as his hand draws away he leaves behind a thin streak of pink strands. It starts from just above his right temple.]
I don't know. I don't think his parents would approve. I've mentioned them before to you, Wei Wuxian and Hanguang Jun.
[He pauses and locks his gaze on his hair. That's a change he can see. Because it's why he colors his own hair. It's a startling feature he can remember. Reaching out, he draws the pink strands over his fingers.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He shakes his head trying to imagine how Lan Qiren would react. He looks a little worried even talking about this and his hand stills.]
If I did that and my elders found out I'd be beaten or disowned.
[He can see where the term might be a little different, but it still sounds like the same lowly rank to him. However, he just nods- haunted a bit by the other part of their conversation.]
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[He gently rests his hand on his shoulder and gives him a warm smile.]
You don't have to agree with different ideas. But try to not judge others based on what you've learned alone. The universe is a big place and we all have such different and beautiful stories.
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[If he uses his own judgment and not the judgment of his clan, then how will he know if his judgment is sound? Isn't it better to trust what has been established by generations from his clan?
Although.. there have been a few times his clan and the elders have been wrong. He only has to look at Hanguang-Jun and Wei-qianbei to see it. There's also the time when all the elders were cowering in the cave. The most damning evidence of their poor judgment is Hanguang-Jun's back.]
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[Gently, he stops him from stirring and has him look at him.]
I ran away from home six years ago. I lied about my age and name for all that time so I wouldn't be found. I worked any job I could to live including sex work. Every job I had fired me for being unreliable because I was late to work most of the time. I've stolen food and supplies.
[Gaura tilts his head.]
If you judged me based only on those details you'd never know me. Who I am. Why I've done what I have.
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You're right, those things don't change who you are. I don't approve of everything you've done but you're right they don't make you a bad person or anything.
Do you believe there are universal things that are right and wrong? Did you feel bad taking things that didn't belong to you?
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I don't think that there are universal things that are right and wrong. We want the world to be black and white but it isn't. I stole things because it was the only way that I could live. Another will do so for the fun of it or to hurt someone. The intention behind these crimes and that is what changes the crime. Even the act of killing someone. Soldiers go to war to fight and kill because they have to fight for their country. Or a mother kills a person trying to hurt her child. This is still murder, it's still taking a life, just as much as someone slaughtering a family for the cruel pleasure of it.
[Moving the bowl between them now, he gives them each a tray and shows him how to take some of dough to roll into balls before putting them on the tray.]
I do feel guilty for what I took. As soon as I could afford to, I left money and a letter for each store I stole from. To apologize for what I did and to thank them because I was able to live another day.
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That was righteous of you and a clear indication of your heart!
[As he takes some dough and rolls them between his hands, he marvels at how Gaura's story both challenged his views and validated them.]
What about when you were working at the brothel? Didn't you.. you know.. feel like you were better than that? You were worth more than that?
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[He carefully sets the dough balls about an inch apart from each other. That way they'll have room to spread out evenly. He even glances over to make sure that it's the same for Jingyi.]
There's a lot of negativity given to sex work. Because it's easier to place judgement there when cultures teach us that sex is meant for only two people in a dedicated relationship. For me, I've never viewed sex that way so people who work in that area? They're the same as anyone else. That just happens to be their job.
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You don't?! But.. you're with Henry! If he's your fated one, isn't he supposed to be the only person you're to be with? And to have anyone see you like that or touch you.. how could you possibly do that casually? I would never want someone else other than my fated one to touch my rib-
[He abruptly cuts himself off and and looks back at the cookie sheet. His cheeks color a little as guilt lances through him. He tells himself it wasn't the same.. but.. ]
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I was a prostitute four years ago, A-Yi. I don't plan to go back to it. Not when I have Henry and my nursery. But if you don't want someone to touch whoever you end up with then you should let your future partner know that's what you want. You just want monogamy.
[He leans forward to look at his face better even though he really can't see that expression on Jingyi's face at all.]
I don't blame you. I'm a monogamous person too. Just one person for me.
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In a way, it's a good thing Gaura can't see the way his expression is riddled with guilt. He just doesn't know what to say to his gege or to his fated one in his future.. assuming he ever gets to have one.]
No I.. um.. you are? That's.. I'm sure Henry appreciates it... I think.. maybe I should.. I should go..
[He turns to get ready to flee.]
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[Reaching out, he tries to catch his hand.]
A-Yi, please. It's alright to talk to me...
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He stops and worriedly debates for a moment. Still.. he hasn't had too many people to talk to about this. Eventually, he just blurts everything out.]
My uncle had my ribbon in his hand!
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[And then it all clicks. Tradition versus new ways of thinking on top of this conflict?]
Oh A-Yi.
[Grabbing a towel, he pulls his little brother back to him and places a towel at Jingyi's back so he can rest his hands there. So he won't touch the ribbon on accident and also so he won't get his dirty hands on his clothes or hair. But he wants to give him a hug. So he knows he has a safe place to discuss this.]
Are you alright? This must have weighed so heavily on you...
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I don't know. It wasn't on purpose. He was actually saving it from going down one of those big drains at the waterworks park when it slipped off my head. He talked me into going and I had to wear this um.. this really tight outfit? I mean, everyone else was wearing even less but I never dreamed of going in public like that before.
But I didn't think about tying my ribbon more carefully and it.. if this was back home, the scandal of him having it would've resulted in me having to marry him. Now, I kind of don't know what it means.
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Did he apologize? For touching it?
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Yeah, he did. My mentor didn't punish me either. I just.. only my fated one is supposed to touch it. Does this mean my uncle is my fated one or if he's not, then what do I tell my fated one when I meet him? He won't be the only one who's touched it!
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You tell him the truth. If he can't handle it then he wasn't meant to be your fated one anyway. Someone who is fated to you will want you no matter what. And no matter who has touched your ribbon. Who will still think that you are wonderful and intelligent and funny...
[He smiles warmly at him.]
My little brother may not have found his fated one yet but I know he will. Because he's quite the catch.
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I do like him.. my uncle. And if we were back home, I don't know that I'd be opposed to a marriage with him.
But..
One of the other juniors from my clan has arrived. He's been my closest friend and we grew up together. His name is Lan Sizhui. I'm sure he'd love to meet you and Henry sometime. He's a lot sweeter and follows our clan's example better than I do. Everyone loves him.
[Uh.. where is he going with this? He doesn't know. He shakes his head.]
I mean, thank you gege. You're really sweet and supportive even after what I said about your profession.
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Gaura smiles.]
Everyone loves him. Including you?
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[He yelps like Gaura just pinched him.]
No! I uh.. well..
[It's forbidden to lie.]
Um.. I.. we're friends?... Yes.
[He reaches up and rubs his eyes that had suddenly started feeling a little weird. He chalks it up to how emotional this visit has been.]
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While I think you wouldn't mind marrying your uncle if you were home I think right now the one you'd actually like to marry is your friend. At least based on how I've heard you talk about both of them.
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He runs his hand upward to brush through his hair nervously. However, as his hand draws away he leaves behind a thin streak of pink strands. It starts from just above his right temple.]
I don't know. I don't think his parents would approve. I've mentioned them before to you, Wei Wuxian and Hanguang Jun.
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[He pauses and locks his gaze on his hair. That's a change he can see. Because it's why he colors his own hair. It's a startling feature he can remember. Reaching out, he draws the pink strands over his fingers.]
Pink...
[Cute.]
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[He blinks confused and then follows Gaura's hand with his eyes. The flash of color has his jaw dropping open.]
W- what is that? Where'd that come from?
[He looks at Gaura's hand, trying to see what his friend just used to stain his hair.]
How'd you do that?
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