[Jingyi follows and he gets excited as he smells the cookies. He doesn't know them by name, but he likes the flavor of ginger. He picks one up and takes a bite. His eyes widen and he looks at the cookie in surprise.]
I've never tasted anything so sweet that's so spicy! Is it called 'snap' because it's such a sharp flavor?
[He's unsure if he likes it, so he takes another bite. Then another.. okay maybe he does.]
It's because if you break one in half it makes a snap.
[Picking up one of the cookies, he carefully breaks the hard cookie in half until it snaps. Taking one half, he starts to eat it while offering the other to Jingyi.]
They've very good with tea. Now, come over here. You can help me by stirring this bowl for me with the wet ingredients while I get the dry ones ready to add.
[It's almost comical how the 'revelation' of the cookie's name melts Jingyi's confused expression into an enlightened grin.]
What a clever name!
[He accepts the other half of the cookie happily before turning his attention to the bowl. He picks up a spoon to start stirring, clearly being familiar with this part of the process.]
This is much more pleasant than it normally is when I have to do this. Having to work in the kitchen under the cook is often a punishment for breaking one of the minor rules. There are other servantly chores or feats of endurance. Usually an endurance punishment is for something more significant.
We are taught how to start a campfire and forage if we're separated during a night-hunt and need to fend for ourselves. That's different though, that isn't in our sect. At Cloud Recesses we focus on learning cultivation, our guqin, and swordsmanship.
[There are far worse punishments and he has a couple scars on his back from it.]
But you enjoy it? This doesn't feel like a chore to you?
So you are taught how to survive but anything more than that is considered beneath your station.
[Gaura nods in understanding, not judging the other harshly for his upbringing. Some are born to a higher status. He knows that. He's not going to think poorly of his dear friend for what life he was born to.]
No. This is very comforting for me. Several years ago I actually ran from home and had to find a way to survive. Learning to cook and the act of it? It was reassuring to me when I had nothing. Now I can use what I learned to take care of those I love and that means the world to me.
[Jingyi is once again faced with something that is so normal to him being strange and new for his friend. He really didn't know what servants did? Well.. why would he? Gaura said he wasn't among the nobility where he's from and everything else about his world was so different.]
Well.. it's not just that though. It's our duty to protect our sects too. That includes everyone from other cultivators to the lowliest peasant from ghosts, demons, and monsters. We travel wherever we're called to cleanse areas of bad energy or sometimes more mundane things. Like one of the minor clans who depend on us- since we're one of the major clans- had a big fire in one of their barns. It ruined most of what they'd stored for winter so it is our job to lead anyone who died to peace and provide food for those still alive.
[He does smile when he hears how much Gaura likes what he's doing.]
[Coming over with the dry ingredients, he adds a cupful at a time to Jingyi's bowl while he listens to the explanation. It does make sense really. One would perhaps be too busy to learn things like this with a duty like that. It must mean that a more normal life would be impossible.
He can't feel sad though. He knows that Jingyi is happy.]
I think we all often don't think of things in a different way the first time we hear of something. We're used to what we know. But it's nice to learn about a new way of looking at something.
[It is probably strange to someone outside the cultivation world, but Jingyi was very happy there. He likes learning and training with his clan and he loves helping people. His words and his heart don't always coordinate- such as being very clear someone is a 'commoner' or 'servant' and yet care for them.]
I wonder if this is why shushu likes being a servant at that brothel..
[His eyes widen and he flashes a guilty look at Gaura- not that he can see it.]
Uh.. I mean.. he's not.. he's not one of the whores. He serves drinks and food there.
[Jingyi frowns, unsure if he should be insulted or not. It doesn't sound like a mean laugh though. By the end, he's staring at Gaura like he has four heads and a doughnut noses. Fortunately, he remembers to keep stirring as he talks.]
You don't think there's anything wrong with working at a brothel? But.. it's so.. disgraceful.
[The word is said like it might taint Jingyi just by saying it.]
And what's the difference between a server and a servant?
I worked at a place like that once. About four years ago.
[He's honestly done a lot of different work just to stay on his feet after running away from home. Some things he's not proud of. But working there? He's not ashamed he did it.]
A servant is someone assigned to do tasks to take care of a building and the people they work for. A server is someone hired by a food or drink establishment to bring the food to the customers as well as to find out what they'd like to eat.
[He doesn't know what to think of Gaura working at a place like that. Now he knows three people who he respects greatly who have done the 'unthinkable'. It goes against all he'd been taught about being stoic, disciplined, and modest.
He shakes his head trying to imagine how Lan Qiren would react. He looks a little worried even talking about this and his hand stills.]
If I did that and my elders found out I'd be beaten or disowned.
[He can see where the term might be a little different, but it still sounds like the same lowly rank to him. However, he just nods- haunted a bit by the other part of their conversation.]
It takes time to see things in a different light when you've been raised to see the world in only one way. You're being exposed to ideas that you've never had to think about before. But if you approach these ideas with an open mind you can learn so much about the people around you.
[He gently rests his hand on his shoulder and gives him a warm smile.]
You don't have to agree with different ideas. But try to not judge others based on what you've learned alone. The universe is a big place and we all have such different and beautiful stories.
If you don't judge people how will you know if they're a good person or not? If you aren't careful, you might end up trusting someone you shouldn't. They'll either hurt you or fool you into hurting others.
[If he uses his own judgment and not the judgment of his clan, then how will he know if his judgment is sound? Isn't it better to trust what has been established by generations from his clan?
Although.. there have been a few times his clan and the elders have been wrong. He only has to look at Hanguang-Jun and Wei-qianbei to see it. There's also the time when all the elders were cowering in the cave. The most damning evidence of their poor judgment is Hanguang-Jun's back.]
You can follow your heart without deciding who someone is based on their stories.
[Gently, he stops him from stirring and has him look at him.]
I ran away from home six years ago. I lied about my age and name for all that time so I wouldn't be found. I worked any job I could to live including sex work. Every job I had fired me for being unreliable because I was late to work most of the time. I've stolen food and supplies.
[Gaura tilts his head.]
If you judged me based only on those details you'd never know me. Who I am. Why I've done what I have.
[Jingyi is surprised when Gaura makes him stop, but it really brings the point home. He struggles with the answer a bit, but finally speaks up again.]
You're right, those things don't change who you are. I don't approve of everything you've done but you're right they don't make you a bad person or anything.
Do you believe there are universal things that are right and wrong? Did you feel bad taking things that didn't belong to you?
[Gaura hums softly as he thinks about that and actually gives that question the thought it deserves. Both questions actually.]
I don't think that there are universal things that are right and wrong. We want the world to be black and white but it isn't. I stole things because it was the only way that I could live. Another will do so for the fun of it or to hurt someone. The intention behind these crimes and that is what changes the crime. Even the act of killing someone. Soldiers go to war to fight and kill because they have to fight for their country. Or a mother kills a person trying to hurt her child. This is still murder, it's still taking a life, just as much as someone slaughtering a family for the cruel pleasure of it.
[Moving the bowl between them now, he gives them each a tray and shows him how to take some of dough to roll into balls before putting them on the tray.]
I do feel guilty for what I took. As soon as I could afford to, I left money and a letter for each store I stole from. To apologize for what I did and to thank them because I was able to live another day.
[It helps, in a way, to hear there is regret despite the necessity of what Gaura had to do. It fits Jingyi view of morality better and reinforces his faith in the pink-haired man. He smiles.]
That was righteous of you and a clear indication of your heart!
[As he takes some dough and rolls them between his hands, he marvels at how Gaura's story both challenged his views and validated them.]
What about when you were working at the brothel? Didn't you.. you know.. feel like you were better than that? You were worth more than that?
I don't view sex workers as beneath me. Or their work beneath me. Some were there because it was the only way to make money but there were others there who genuinely enjoyed the work. I was treated very well there. Better than a number of jobs I've had since then.
[He carefully sets the dough balls about an inch apart from each other. That way they'll have room to spread out evenly. He even glances over to make sure that it's the same for Jingyi.]
There's a lot of negativity given to sex work. Because it's easier to place judgement there when cultures teach us that sex is meant for only two people in a dedicated relationship. For me, I've never viewed sex that way so people who work in that area? They're the same as anyone else. That just happens to be their job.
[Jingyi almost drops his ball of dough. It's forgotten as he turns to look at his friend.]
You don't?! But.. you're with Henry! If he's your fated one, isn't he supposed to be the only person you're to be with? And to have anyone see you like that or touch you.. how could you possibly do that casually? I would never want someone else other than my fated one to touch my rib-
[He abruptly cuts himself off and and looks back at the cookie sheet. His cheeks color a little as guilt lances through him. He tells himself it wasn't the same.. but.. ]
I was a prostitute four years ago, A-Yi. I don't plan to go back to it. Not when I have Henry and my nursery. But if you don't want someone to touch whoever you end up with then you should let your future partner know that's what you want. You just want monogamy.
[He leans forward to look at his face better even though he really can't see that expression on Jingyi's face at all.]
I don't blame you. I'm a monogamous person too. Just one person for me.
[He would've argued that if Gaura wasn't planning on still being a prostitute now that he's with Henry, doesn't that mean he saw something wrong with it now looking back?
In a way, it's a good thing Gaura can't see the way his expression is riddled with guilt. He just doesn't know what to say to his gege or to his fated one in his future.. assuming he ever gets to have one.]
No I.. um.. you are? That's.. I'm sure Henry appreciates it... I think.. maybe I should.. I should go..
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[He smiles brightly and brings him to the kitchen where the smell of fresh cookies fills the air.]
These are called gingersnaps. And the ones I'm making next are chocolate chip.
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I've never tasted anything so sweet that's so spicy! Is it called 'snap' because it's such a sharp flavor?
[He's unsure if he likes it, so he takes another bite. Then another.. okay maybe he does.]
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[Picking up one of the cookies, he carefully breaks the hard cookie in half until it snaps. Taking one half, he starts to eat it while offering the other to Jingyi.]
They've very good with tea. Now, come over here. You can help me by stirring this bowl for me with the wet ingredients while I get the dry ones ready to add.
[He indicates a bowl with butter and eggs in it.]
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What a clever name!
[He accepts the other half of the cookie happily before turning his attention to the bowl. He picks up a spoon to start stirring, clearly being familiar with this part of the process.]
This is much more pleasant than it normally is when I have to do this. Having to work in the kitchen under the cook is often a punishment for breaking one of the minor rules. There are other servantly chores or feats of endurance. Usually an endurance punishment is for something more significant.
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[Though he does wonder what an endurance punishment is. It sounds so...intense...]
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We have servants for that.
[Obviously.]
We are taught how to start a campfire and forage if we're separated during a night-hunt and need to fend for ourselves. That's different though, that isn't in our sect. At Cloud Recesses we focus on learning cultivation, our guqin, and swordsmanship.
[There are far worse punishments and he has a couple scars on his back from it.]
But you enjoy it? This doesn't feel like a chore to you?
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[Gaura nods in understanding, not judging the other harshly for his upbringing. Some are born to a higher status. He knows that. He's not going to think poorly of his dear friend for what life he was born to.]
No. This is very comforting for me. Several years ago I actually ran from home and had to find a way to survive. Learning to cook and the act of it? It was reassuring to me when I had nothing. Now I can use what I learned to take care of those I love and that means the world to me.
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[Jingyi is once again faced with something that is so normal to him being strange and new for his friend. He really didn't know what servants did? Well.. why would he? Gaura said he wasn't among the nobility where he's from and everything else about his world was so different.]
Well.. it's not just that though. It's our duty to protect our sects too. That includes everyone from other cultivators to the lowliest peasant from ghosts, demons, and monsters. We travel wherever we're called to cleanse areas of bad energy or sometimes more mundane things. Like one of the minor clans who depend on us- since we're one of the major clans- had a big fire in one of their barns. It ruined most of what they'd stored for winter so it is our job to lead anyone who died to peace and provide food for those still alive.
[He does smile when he hears how much Gaura likes what he's doing.]
I never thought of it like that.
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He can't feel sad though. He knows that Jingyi is happy.]
I think we all often don't think of things in a different way the first time we hear of something. We're used to what we know. But it's nice to learn about a new way of looking at something.
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I wonder if this is why shushu likes being a servant at that brothel..
[His eyes widen and he flashes a guilty look at Gaura- not that he can see it.]
Uh.. I mean.. he's not.. he's not one of the whores. He serves drinks and food there.
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A server is not a servant. And there's nothing wrong with working at a brothel. As a server or as a prostitute. It's all honest work.
[Pouring the rest of his bowl into Jingyi's, he went to the sink to rinse it before coming back.]
Make sure that's all mixed until it starts to form a large ball.
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You don't think there's anything wrong with working at a brothel? But.. it's so.. disgraceful.
[The word is said like it might taint Jingyi just by saying it.]
And what's the difference between a server and a servant?
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[He's honestly done a lot of different work just to stay on his feet after running away from home. Some things he's not proud of. But working there? He's not ashamed he did it.]
A servant is someone assigned to do tasks to take care of a building and the people they work for. A server is someone hired by a food or drink establishment to bring the food to the customers as well as to find out what they'd like to eat.
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He shakes his head trying to imagine how Lan Qiren would react. He looks a little worried even talking about this and his hand stills.]
If I did that and my elders found out I'd be beaten or disowned.
[He can see where the term might be a little different, but it still sounds like the same lowly rank to him. However, he just nods- haunted a bit by the other part of their conversation.]
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[He gently rests his hand on his shoulder and gives him a warm smile.]
You don't have to agree with different ideas. But try to not judge others based on what you've learned alone. The universe is a big place and we all have such different and beautiful stories.
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[If he uses his own judgment and not the judgment of his clan, then how will he know if his judgment is sound? Isn't it better to trust what has been established by generations from his clan?
Although.. there have been a few times his clan and the elders have been wrong. He only has to look at Hanguang-Jun and Wei-qianbei to see it. There's also the time when all the elders were cowering in the cave. The most damning evidence of their poor judgment is Hanguang-Jun's back.]
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[Gently, he stops him from stirring and has him look at him.]
I ran away from home six years ago. I lied about my age and name for all that time so I wouldn't be found. I worked any job I could to live including sex work. Every job I had fired me for being unreliable because I was late to work most of the time. I've stolen food and supplies.
[Gaura tilts his head.]
If you judged me based only on those details you'd never know me. Who I am. Why I've done what I have.
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You're right, those things don't change who you are. I don't approve of everything you've done but you're right they don't make you a bad person or anything.
Do you believe there are universal things that are right and wrong? Did you feel bad taking things that didn't belong to you?
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I don't think that there are universal things that are right and wrong. We want the world to be black and white but it isn't. I stole things because it was the only way that I could live. Another will do so for the fun of it or to hurt someone. The intention behind these crimes and that is what changes the crime. Even the act of killing someone. Soldiers go to war to fight and kill because they have to fight for their country. Or a mother kills a person trying to hurt her child. This is still murder, it's still taking a life, just as much as someone slaughtering a family for the cruel pleasure of it.
[Moving the bowl between them now, he gives them each a tray and shows him how to take some of dough to roll into balls before putting them on the tray.]
I do feel guilty for what I took. As soon as I could afford to, I left money and a letter for each store I stole from. To apologize for what I did and to thank them because I was able to live another day.
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That was righteous of you and a clear indication of your heart!
[As he takes some dough and rolls them between his hands, he marvels at how Gaura's story both challenged his views and validated them.]
What about when you were working at the brothel? Didn't you.. you know.. feel like you were better than that? You were worth more than that?
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[He carefully sets the dough balls about an inch apart from each other. That way they'll have room to spread out evenly. He even glances over to make sure that it's the same for Jingyi.]
There's a lot of negativity given to sex work. Because it's easier to place judgement there when cultures teach us that sex is meant for only two people in a dedicated relationship. For me, I've never viewed sex that way so people who work in that area? They're the same as anyone else. That just happens to be their job.
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You don't?! But.. you're with Henry! If he's your fated one, isn't he supposed to be the only person you're to be with? And to have anyone see you like that or touch you.. how could you possibly do that casually? I would never want someone else other than my fated one to touch my rib-
[He abruptly cuts himself off and and looks back at the cookie sheet. His cheeks color a little as guilt lances through him. He tells himself it wasn't the same.. but.. ]
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I was a prostitute four years ago, A-Yi. I don't plan to go back to it. Not when I have Henry and my nursery. But if you don't want someone to touch whoever you end up with then you should let your future partner know that's what you want. You just want monogamy.
[He leans forward to look at his face better even though he really can't see that expression on Jingyi's face at all.]
I don't blame you. I'm a monogamous person too. Just one person for me.
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In a way, it's a good thing Gaura can't see the way his expression is riddled with guilt. He just doesn't know what to say to his gege or to his fated one in his future.. assuming he ever gets to have one.]
No I.. um.. you are? That's.. I'm sure Henry appreciates it... I think.. maybe I should.. I should go..
[He turns to get ready to flee.]
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[Reaching out, he tries to catch his hand.]
A-Yi, please. It's alright to talk to me...
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